Sunday, February 3, 2008

I'm afraid of space and time.

i think space is the scariest place ever. everything in space is infinitely hot, or infinitely cold. radiation floats around screwing stuff up. black holes destroy and create universes. speeding dust particles can puncture your body and kill you. essentially everything in space can kill you. the universe is against us. our planet floats naively through space bickering about silly things, ignoring the fact that any minute some physics principle that we're incapable of imagining (let alone understanding) could destroy all we've ever known. and its infinite. let that resonate for a minute. INFINITE. such a tidy word for such a ridiculously difficult concept. the fact that our planet has been around for billions of years really seems to defy the odds. we're on borrowed time. surely some galactic destruction awaits us any day now. thinking about it makes me nauseous. whether we've been to the moon or not aside, man moving to the moon and back is the galactic equivalent of a first step. not even that. its the first time a baby shuffles on its belly.
it makes me question the concept of an objective reality. the fact that i live on a minuscule chunk of floating dust rotating its way like toilet water towards its inevitable doom really puts an objective understanding of reality in question.
ugh. im nauseous right now.
while space is super scary, it doesn't bother me too badly. my perspective is too limited to worry about my little planet careening through space.
Time on the other hand scares me terribly. it doesn't do it justice to say it scares me. It petrifies me. It leaves me paralyzed with fear sometimes. Time is an unstoppable tyrant that will, inevitably, destroy you, everyone you love or hate, and everything you've ever known. And once it has done this it will bring about new ages and new people who will walk on your bones and your memory as if you and everything that was once important to you never existed. you were nothing but a work of fiction. the things that made you happy and sad, the things that were earth-shattering and revolutionary to you will be lost in time. brushed off like detritus in time's unending march to unknown territories.
surely as you and i breathe, this will happen.
there are today cities buried underneath our cities. Ancient Egypt's majestic cities were buried and forgotten in time. Ancient Rome existed for nearly 2000 years before time evoked its death rattle.

Eccl. 1: 2, 14
2 Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

14 I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

Eccl. 4:
4 Again, I considered all travail, and every right work, that for this a man is envied of his neighbour. This is also vanity and vexation of spirit.

7 ¶ Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun.

8 There is one alone, and there is not a second; yea, he hath neither child nor brother: yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches; neither saith he, For whom do I labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail.

16 There is no end of all the people, even of all that have been before them: they also that come after shall not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and vexation of spirit.

Now that i have pointed out the seeming meaninglessness of everything (which i don't believe in) i can move on.
you can expect my Oscar predictions soon.
Go listen to Team Sleep. It's better than whatever you're listening to, no doubt.

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